Ugly Like Me
by onebitestand
Summary: "Maybe the message here is that she's as ugly as he is. So pretty on the outside, so disgusting on the inside." Hayley's in over her head, post 4x08.


**Disclaimer:** I don't own The Vampire Diaries or the respective characters from the books or series.

Takes place after 4x08. Rated M for violence, sexuality, and language. Reviews are love. This is a stand alone. Title is derived from "Outside" by Staind (seriously, it fits so well with this story that I recommend listening to it as you read.)

o o o o

There's a certain thrill that carrying on something so secretive and clandestine brings to Hayley. It manifested when she was younger and would lie to her (adoptive) parents about little things. Her big hazel eyes and wide smile let them think that Hayley was innocent and doe eyed. She always knew more than she let on. Later on in life, it gave her a certain advantage. She could navigate her way through the game and not let anyone in on whether or not she was winning or bluffing. Quite literally, she remembered an instance a few weeks ago with Tyler. They were playing poker and she had insisted on bartering with actual money despite Tyler's initial insistence that they didn't have to use money. But as the hybrid had learned, Hayley was relentlessly stubborn and the word "no" didn't exist in her vocabulary. He gazed at her over his cards and shook his head.

"I can never tell what you're thinking."

"Come on, Lockwolf, that's the point of poker."

"I meant in general."

"Well, mystery makes life more fun. Doesn't it?"

Thinking about Tyler gets her through moments like these. There's something so pure about him that helps her block out everything else around her. He quiets the noise in her head, like those conflicting thoughts about how this is so disgusting but the werewolf part of her enjoys how gritty and carnal it is. Her back lays on the wooden desk and her dress is hiked up past her stomach. The desk is cold and hard and so _stiff._ His sweaty hands are pinning her against that hard desk. She may have supernatural powers but he has to assert his dominance. Hayley thinks that clearly he's overcompensating for _something_. It started off as a way to entice him into handing over the information she so desperately craved and needed. Sex was a tool that she was willing to wield, a sword to cut down the mythological dragon. But he had her backed into a corner, he wanted more than her body and wanted her to turn over the hybrids that she and Tyler had unsired.

"Tell me you'll leave Tyler out of this," She growls.

"You're thinking about that little high school hybrid right now?"

Hayley shoves him off of her and pulls up her panties. Her strength is enough to send him stumbling back a few feet. His hands drag his pants back up his body and shoots her a look of surprise. "Sometimes you don't do the job," She retorts.

"Hayley."

"What, Shane?"

His hand threads through her long dark hair and she looks at him with curiosity. He's unpredictable and she hates it and loves it at the same time. She's so used to being the dominant one that she's learned how to control those around her with an expert ease. It's almost become boring. But this Professor Shane character leaves her with questions that go unanswered and motives she can't pinpoint. He holds all of the power and she's only left to attempt to connect the dots and make an educated guess.

"We already have the twelve hybrids including your little buddy, Tyler. Do you think it'd be logical of me to wait for you to attempt to unsire another so you can save a boy you have a little crush on?"

"Fuck you, Tyler's my friend." Another harsh shove. "We have another, remember? Take Adrian, not Tyler. I'm not putting him in the middle of this."

"Oh, Hayley, your breed is so… honorable." She scoffs at how condescending his tone is until he grabs her hard by the throat. Hayley gasps and exhales as she tries to squirm. The shock overpowers her and his grip tightens. Another shove sends him reeling and her breathing starts to even out. He's so disgusting and evil. She wonders what it would be like to shove him against the desk, for him to stumble and fall, break his neck and succumb to his ultimate mortality. It's an image that brings her comfort for at least a minute.

"You told me my parents are dead, so unless you're friggin' god or something with the power to resurrect them, I'm out," Hayley snarls at him. "You're no use to me anymore. You want those hybrids? Go and get them yourself." She's always appreciated a good storm off and this situation is no different. Her brown hair is flipped over her shoulder as she heads to the door of Shane's office but he blocks the door.

"If you want me to get them myself, I'm taking Tyler with me. You won't be able to save your little boyfriend. I mean, you're disobeying me right here. I think using Tyler would be the ultimate punishment and a fair one." Shane knows how to get to her, how to push her buttons. Fear is foreign to Hayley. She's able to stand up to Klaus with ease and not a care in the world. But there's something different about this Professor Shane character, he knows how to play upon her fears and get under her skin. He's wormed his way there and has a hold on her. How could she be so stupid?

He tips her chin up with his index finger, daring her to look him in the eye. "Lighten up, we've been such good business partners. I'll leave Tyler alone." It's soon enough before he buries his face in her neck, nipping at it. Her body is pinned up against the door and her will to push him off is evading her. He's so ugly on the inside. But what does it say about her when she lets him put his hands on her body? What does it say about her when she lets his hands crawl under her dress? What does it say about her when she pushes him off of her, not to stop the encounter but to push him onto his desk, and unbuckle the belt and drag his pants down. What does it say about her when grinds her hips against his and moans against his lip?

"Tell me you'll leave Tyler out of it."

"Jesus, Hayley." He catches his breath and holds on tighter to her sides. "Whatever you want."

Maybe the message here is that she's as ugly as he is. So pretty on the outside, so disgusting on the inside.

Ever since her adoptive parents kicked her out, Hayley doesn't like to designate one particular place at home. The warmth of the Lockwood mansion is the closest she's come with the exception of running with her pack. One look at Tyler's mom and she thought the woman would be a raging bitch; a total rich woman cliché. But the woman is warm and Hayley can tell that she loves her son. It makes her heart ache in a way that she can't describe. But Carol Lockwood treats Hayley with that same courtesy and warmth that she treats her son. She's lost count of how many times the woman has told her that she's thankful for Hayley's help with her son. Her heart sinks with each show of gratitude or every time that Tyler smiles at her. He has no clue. Tyler's too busy being a pioneer for the damned hybrid, doomed to a life of servitude to an evil being. She stands by his side like a senator's wife, ready to get her hands dirty in the trench.

But Tyler doesn't know. She wants to keep it that way but it still eats away at her. Betrayal isn't something that she actively supports.

"What's on your mind, Hayley?"

They're on the couch watching some nameless action movie. Her feet are sitting cozy in his lap and her focus is muddied. Of all people to notice that, it had to be Tyler. He's the one person that she wants to be honest with and let in beyond all of the walls she's built around herself. She wonders sometimes if it's in a more than friends capacity. Between the ruse that they're performing for Klaus and Shane's accusations, it comes across her mind more often than not. She finds herself thinking about Tyler when Shane's inside of her, grunting and clearly only interested in getting himself off. It's a curiosity about what Tyler would be like in bed, god knows that the boy is attractive. She may be the closest thing that Tyler has to a guardian angel but she finds herself jealous around Caroline. Caroline gets to have Tyler in a way that she'll never have him, that's not only including the sex.

"This CGI is so friggin' cheesy, how can you like this?"

"What, do you want me to pop in a chick flick?"

"Do you want me to murder you," Hayley teases dryly. She goes silent for a moment, her joking tone and spirit fading. There's a lump in her throat that she's desperate to swallow. "Sorry, I shouldn't have said that, given what happened to Chris…"

"I know you didn't mean anything. You miss him?"

"Of course, he was our friend."

"You still have me and no one's getting rid of me anytime soon."

She smiles sadly and then shakes her head.

"Gross, I wouldn't wish that on anyone."

No one would guess it about Hayley but she has the strangest place where she likes to be by herself: the library. The Mystic Falls library is this monument to what Hayley thinks is the strangest and most fascinating town she's ever come across in her travels. It's musty and so many of the books look like they haven't been touched since the Civil War era but it's so dirty and gritty. She loves it. The librarians are these middle aged women who look at her with big shocked eyes. Apparently, written word hasn't died with advancing technology.

But Hayley's not here to further her reading. Instead, she likes to snoop.

Her fingers glide over the spines of young adult fiction books. She snorts at the titles and the authors, not that she's a literary critic but she remembers the days of thumbing through "Dear God, Are you there? It's Me, Margaret" and learning about the so-called wonders of puberty and womanhood. She finds the lighting way too bright as each ceiling light emits an annoying buzzing sound from up above her. It's simple and stupid times like these where she absolutely hates having heightened senses.

Out of the corner of her eye, she notices a dark haired girl peering through the strangest looking book she's ever seen. That curiosity that will be the death of her wants to investigate further and with everyone else seemingly preoccupied around her, she goes for her. She saunters over to the lone girl at her wooden table and recognizes the book as being one of those freaky occult books that she's thumbed through in Shane's office while waiting for him. The other girl is so engrossed in her reading that she doesn't register Hayley making herself at home in the chair across from her.

"Well, well, we only read The Scarlett Letter back in my day for book reports," Hayley quips. "This looks more interesting."

The book slams shut.

"I'm sorry, who are you?"

"I'm just a girl who hangs out at libraries. I've been to the Mystic Grill but it's a little too teen hang out for me. What, are you reading about human sacrifices or something? Thinking of performing one?"

Hayley knows the look that she's getting. It's the look that she used to give so often, the look of pure skepticism with a side of burning curiosity. She notices a kindred spirit in the girl seated across from her but it's a little too early for her to call it as a meeting of likeminded individuals at the moment. Instead of waiting for a response, Hayley snatches the book from across the table and thumbs through it. It's a time to be thankful for quick reflexes. "Ooh, I know what this is. It's a Grimoire," Hayley chimes. "Relax, I like witches or those weird Wicca kids who think they can make their crush fall in love with them by doing some weird juju. Chill before you try to set me on fire, I'm not a night crawler."

"Who are you exactly?"

"Hayley, appreciator of mystical magic and not fond of getting aneurysms. I had a witch from Miami do it on me and it hurt like a son of a bitch," She shrugs. "This would be the point of the conversation where you introduce yourself."

"Bonnie."

For some reason, that sounds familiar. Hayley can't pinpoint it.

"Besides, I shouldn't be saying that but you're safe around me. I can't perform magic like that currently."

Hayley eyes her, "What? Did you overload your circuits or something?"

"Something."

Once again, Hayley's curiosity overrides any desire to have manners or tact. She's found no use for either anyway. "Sounds interesting, wanna talk about it?"

"I don't talk about magic with strangers."

"Then let's make it so we're not strangers."

Integrating hang outs with Bonnie doesn't impact Hayley's schedule too much. If the CEO of a Fortune 500 company can coordinate their schedule, surely Hayley can make a female friend in between hanging out with Tyler, clandestine meetings with Shane, and keeping her secrets under lock and key. Hayley sympathizes, she really does, but she wonders if their fate will be any better once Shane gets a hold of them. But it's easy for Bonnie to take her mind off of it. This girl seems thrilled to talk to anyone about magic and Hayley is an eager listener. Of course, she has to stop and ask Bonnie what the hell she's talking about.

Not to mention, she has a feeling that Bonnie prefers Hayley being a werewolf over a vampire. She notes that as being strange because with the way this town is, Bonnie's bound to be friends with a vampire or two. The two girls are nestled in Bonnie's quiet living room and Hayley listens and hangs on to every word that falls from her mouth like an eager child.

"It sounds like we both got cut a shitty deal. You're a slave to nature, I'm a slave to the moon. Meanwhile, vampires can get a get-out-of-jail-free card if they've got the hook up to the witch who can make them a shiny daylight ring," Hayley scoffs. It is a raw deal to her but she has to reason with himself that changing once a month outranks being a slave to an evil creature like Klaus.

"We're supposed to keep things balanced in nature."

"And that's how the spirits yanked your witch membership card?"

"You put it so casually."

"I call it like I see it."

Bonnie sighs, "I've had some success in getting it back. I can't call upon the spirits or nature to help me out. The spirits are punishing me for getting into black magic that toyed with the laws of nature but my friend was in trouble-" "Dude, screw your friend. You got gypped."

"_Anyway. _I found someone that used to be in contact with my Grams." Hayley searched her mind for past mentions of the elusive Grams. Oh, right. Dead witchy nana who liked her drinks but knew her magic and taught somewhere or something. Right. "He's been helping me out with getting my magic back. We've been using this ancient way that's known as expression."

"What the hell is that?"

Bonnie shakes her head, "I'm not too sure myself but I'm slowly but surely getting it back. I was so shell shocked when the spirits punished me by hurting my Grams. The image of that gave me nightmares, it was like seeing her die all over again." Bonnie swallows hard and looks down. "I can only do small things but I'm working on it." There it is, a triumphant smile. It's small but it shines and Hayley can't help but feel the happiness that Bonnie's showing to her with that small closed lip smile.

"So like… What can you do? I wanna see!" Hayley claps her hands in excitement and tries to egg the girl on. She knows she's in when she gets a nod and Bonnie closes her eyes, her forehead wrinkling in concentration. It takes but a brief moment and the candle on the coffee table is lit. Still, Hayley notes how tentative and cautious Bonnie seems.

"Did it work?"

"I'm hiring you at my next birthday to light my cake. Check it out, your mojo's there."

Bonnie giggles. "Wow, I still can't believe it. I thought I'd never get it back but Professor Shane has been so encouraging. I can feel myself growing more confident and I'm working up to bigger spells." Bonnie's too entranced by the flame of the candle to notice Hayley's expression drop and there's a shift in the air.

"And this guy didn't tell you what expression is?"

"Um, he explained it a little bit. He says that once I get full use of my powers back, I can do some big spells but it's all about baby steps. He says he has something big that he'd like me to work on."

"What did you do to help your friend that got your ghost witchy sisters all pissed off at you?"

Bonnie looks down and swallows hard once again. The happiness from her face has drained. Now she's more somber. "My friend died and I tried to bring her back from the dead."Hayley excuses herself and makes a mad dash for the bathroom. It's there that she deposits vomit into the toilet and locks herself in there for a good twenty minutes. Amidst her coughing and dry heaving, she cries the hardest that she has in a while. The pieces of Shane's puzzle are all in plain view and she's trying to connect the dots. She guesses that Bonnie asks her if she's okay around fifty or more times. Once she exits, she makes a bad joke about that being the last time she'll ever order a hamburger rare from the Grill ever again during her stay in Mystic Falls. Bonnie seems to believe it for the time being.

It's a few days later when Hayley sneaks into Shane's office. She's got his schedule memorized down pat so it's safe for her to trash the joint. Hayley rifles through books upon books to get the picture she has her head into better focus. It doesn't register how careless she's being with his treasured belongings and she's not sure she would care anyway. In fact, there's nothing more she'd like to do than to set fire to this very office and clean her hands of him.

That sick feeling she had at Bonnie's returns once more. She's found a book hidden in the cabinet about ancient magic and that godforsaken word comes up. Expression. She tries to absorb the information as quickly as possible but she's taken aback when the text tells her about how the power draws upon sacrificed souls. It's worse than black magic, apparently. Hayley's anger boils and she can't clear her head of all of these racing thoughts.

She had no idea about how deep the rabbit hole went and she curses herself for being so fucking stupid, so desperate to find out about the origins of her birth parents. She wanted that love and validation. She wanted that knowledge of knowing where she came from and if her parents had triggered the curse. Her guard down went down and she let that vile man take advantage of the one weakness she had. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. She tosses the joint and throws papers from his desk, this time ruining his room for flair and the sheer thrill of it.

She _wants_ him to catch her. She wants to be able to spit in the face of such an ugly man. Yet she still flinches when the handle of the door jingles and closes behind him.

"Hayley, what the hell is your problem?! What are you doing here?" His mouth is open wide in shock and anger. She turns around to look at him. Her confidence is waning but she wills herself to be strong and not crumble in front of him.

Instead of answering, Hayley tosses a large paper weight at the wall near his head. Shane flinches and ducks from the chance of it impacting with his head.

"What do you plan on doing with those hybrids, Shane? What do you plan on doing with that witch? Does she have any idea what she's getting herself into?" He says nothing. "Of course not, you're a user. You used me to get those hybrids."

"Let's be fair, you used me to get certain information as well. Sorry that I entertained your desperation but it was cute at the time. You're kind of a cliché, Hayley. Little tough orphan girl so desperate to find someone who will love her unconditionally."

Her anger reaches critical mass. "And _you're_ a disgusting excuse of a man. I know everything, Shane. You didn't do such a good job hiding your little books. I wonder if Bonnie knows what she's doing.""Leave Bonnie out of this."

"Leave _Tyler _out of this."

Shane approaches her. With every inch he gains, Hayley steps back to avoid him and tries to make a mad dash away from him. Super speed doesn't gain her any advantages when she trips over the mess she's made and falls to the rug. A hiss emits from her lips as she feels a tinge of pain and crawls into the corner holding a lamp she had swiped off his desk for protection. Hayley can't make heads or tails of the expression on his face as he corners her. He looks like a ragged parent having to deal with an insolent child.

"Get up, clean this up, and we'll talk about this later. I have a meeting here and I can't stand messes." He laughs and her eyes grow wide. "This witch is going to get you what you want: your little family reunion."

"At what cost?"

"It doesn't matter. It's only the beginning. Now get up, clean this mess up, or I'm going to get angry."

Hayley softly picks herself up from the ground, her face blank and her motions robotic. In one swift motion once Shane turns around, she smashes the lamp against his head and watches him drop to the ground like a sack of potatoes. Her breathing is ragged and she scrambles to get out of there but her own anxiety cripples her and she drops to the floor after tripping once again. Agility means nothing when she's fearing for something she doesn't even want to know about. She slowly stands up and gains her composure until a hand wraps around her ankle and tries to pull her to the floor.

"GET OFF OF ME. I'm going to tell Bonnie everything. I'm going to take all of your hybrids away from you. And you're going to have _nothing_."

Her words are motivation enough for Shane to pick himself up from the ground. Hayley runs and it isn't long before he slams her against the wall. His hand wraps around her throat and there's that sick feeling in her throat. He could very well kill her with his bare hands, despite only being human. It isn't long before she's gasping for air. She sees the enjoyment in his eyes as she struggles. Her words are useless and won't reach anyone. She can't scream. She can't even breathe.

"You know what the first thing I'm going to do when we get out of here? I'm going to cut your friend's head off. You know Tyler? But first, I'm going to tell him that you sold him out to me. Isn't that a tragic story? Being betrayed by your friend and then dying."

Anger overwhelms her and she shoves Shane flying across the room. He stumbles over the debris on his floor that Hayley had thrown about. His clumsy footwork leads him to split his head open on his desk before he collapses to the floor. Hayley retreats against the wall, her eyes surveying the scene. Blood pools from the wound on his head out onto his carpet.

Is it over?

She's a scared child as she tip toes over to his body. There's no sign of movement and the blood continues to gather on his rug. She wants to laugh at how angry he would be that his precious carpeting is being stain. But she's too in shock to appreciate the moment. The girl kneels down to check for a pulse and confirm that this nightmare is really over. Her fingers are about to touch his neck when his eyes pop open and stare at her.

"I'm going to-"

There's no hesitation when Hayley bashes his head into carpet to silence him once and for all. The impact of her actions slowly washes over her. There's blood on her finger tips. Hayley backs herself against a wall and before she knows it, she starts crying but her cries are horrifically mixed with joyful laughter. Her giggles are girlish, like she's overheard a hilarious piece of gossip. Her eyes are prideful when she looks at the blood on her hands and her tears mix with them.

Twenty minutes go by and a set of feet tap down the hallway towards the office of Professor Atticus Shane. An eager young woman is ready for her appointment and training with the young professor. She can't quite explain it but it brings a bright spot to her day, to have someone who both knew her Grams and is so invested in getting her powers back by overcoming the fear of the spirits. She gives the door a knock before she opens it. Shane never minds seeing her wait in his office. In fact, she's noted how thrilled he seems.

But instead, the office is a mess and the beloved professor is lying in a pool of his own blood. The room would be silent if it weren't for the sobbing and strangled laughing in the corner. Bonnie's eyes widened in horror at her new friend and then look back to the dead Professor.

"What happened?!" She bends down and checks his pulse. No response. Her hand covers her mouth and she chokes back a sob. Her lips curl in anger as she looks to Hayley and strokes Shane's cold face. She snarls, "What did you do?"

"Bonnie, we're free. I'm free," Hayley laughs hysterically. Her eyes glisten with salty tears and Bonnie looks at the crying girl with blood on her hands in horror. "I freed us both. We're free."


End file.
